This might very well be the most terrifying non-fiction book I have ever read. Burroughs takes the reader on a journey through some of his earliest childhood memories, painting a picture of what his father was really like. In short, his father was, in my opinion, a monster.

The book starts out with a very young Augusten and his mother fleeing the house, and hiding out in hotels, because they weren’t “safe” at home with his father. Which means that some of the earliest memories he has of his father are equated with “not safe”. This is for good reason. Not only is his father an alcoholic, he is also manipulative, sometimes violent, and definitely dangerous. The word “sociopath” comes to mind. Augusten has reoccurring nightmares that involve his father chasing him at night through the woods that surrounded their house. In these dreams, Augusten is certain that his father means to kill him, and thinks that it might be because his dad killed someone and buried the body in the woods. As an adult, Burroughs wonders how much of this nightmare was real, and how much was a dream? Could this have happened? It is from his exploration into that fragmented possible memory that this book about his father comes from.

What is certain is that his father was a monster. Young Augusten witnessed his father verbally abuse his mother, (and overheard him physically abuse her some nights as well). He would often wake up to find his father standing menacingly over him as he was asleep in bed. One of their dogs used to protect Augusten, (until his father somehow got the dog on his side). This is a man who would willingly and intentionally let pets die from neglect. He was also neglecting Augusten, refusing to give him any affection or attention at all whatsoever. There are painful stories in this book about how badly young Augusten just wanted his father to love him, only to be shunned over and over again. What makes this even more sad is that his father did not treat his older brother the same way. In fact, when Augusten and his mother have to flee the house again (and again), because they are “not safe from your father”, the older brother does not have to run away with them. Somehow, he is safe, but Augusten is not. It is heartbreaking to read how much young Augusten just wanted his father to love him, and to be denied that love, intentionally, by his horrible father.

I could never understand why his mother decided to return to his father at all, but she did. His mother was never very psychologically stable to begin with (as readers of Running With Scissors may recall), and I can see where living with Augusten’s father would push her over the edge. At one point, Augusten’s mother goes away to get some mental help for herself, leaving Augusten home, alone, for days on end with his father. The man mumbles words of gibberish to himself, while sharpening knives. He drinks for hours, and leaves Augusten to starve, hoping his mother will return home soon. Absolutely terrifying.

Do not expect to find any of Burroughs sarcastic wit in this book. This one is deadly serious, but just as achingly honest as his other books. In this book we have some snapshots of what it is like to grow up with a dad who is insane, and mean, and brutal, but can appear to be perfectly normal to outsiders when he wants to. Readers who have abusive family members will relate only too well to this book. I couldn’t put it down, and am haunted by it still, as I write this today.

Sellevision is the one and only, (well, so far, anyway), book written by Augusten Burroughs that is completely fictional. If I remember correctly, Burroughs describes Sellevision book as his “cheese popcorn book”. It’s yummy, and light, and probably not good for you at all, but it’s so much fun you just can’t put it down. Cheese popcorn is an appropriate description.

Sellevision is the name of a (fictional) home shopping channel, that has employed quite a few eccentric hosts to work for it. Take the movie “Soapdish”, mix it with the movie “Anchorman”, and add just a dash of the cattiness found in whatever tv show about teenagers in high school is the most popular at the moment, and you have Sellevision.

It starts out with Max, a Sellevision host who is being fired by executive producer Howard. Max accidently exposed himself on live Sellevision, (oops!), (on a “Toys for Tots” segment, no less), and now is out of a job. Max begins a degrading and difficult search for another job. Hilarity ensues. Howard, on the other hand, continues working at Sellevision, and having a torrid love affair with Leigh, one of the hosts, (who is not Howard’s wife). Leigh, of course, wants Howard to leave his wife, but is starting to question if he ever will.

Peggy Jean Smythe (who reminds me in some ways of Martha Stewart), is one of the most popular hosts, who one day recieves a disturbing email from a viewer. This begins Peggy’s decline into madness as she tries to figure out who is behind the emails, and why, and if the nasty things said about her in the emails are true.

She suspects Trish, the younger, newer, blonder host, is behind the emails, but there is no proof. I found it to be a lot of fun to watch a character so perfect, with the perfect husband and three perfect children go crazy and develop drug habits. What is really going on with the “perfect” husband and three “perfect” children is a whole other story. Trish, on the other hand, is, in fact, trying to climb the Sellevision ladder, and become the most popular host. So, could it be Trish behind the emails after all?

And then there is Bebe, the most popular host, who has been with Sellevision the longest. She shops from Sellevision, (and everywhere else), enough to make the reader wonder why she keeps buying so much crap she doesn’t need. The viewers love her, and her little stories about her dog which she tells while selling products. Bebe meets a wonderful man, who might be the worst possible choice she could ever make in a lover. Read and find out why.

Much of this story gives the reader a behind the scenes look at what it might be like to work for one of those home shopping networks as a host. Long hours, (sometimes in the middle of the night), spent selling products you know little or nothing about. Phone calls from random viewers, who give too much information about themselves, which you have to deal with live, “on the air”. Plus, all the stress of the social world this takes place in. It’s like high school, sped up, and recorded in little clips for the world to watch.

If you are looking for a fun beach read, check out this “cheese popcorn” book, and laugh as much as I did.

Here we have another collection of short story memoirs by Burroughs. The material in this book is all new, and not found in any of his other books, which never fails to astonish me. How many crazy things can one person have happen in their life, after all? Apparently there is no limit.

The cover of this book is an attention getter. Bright yellow background, the same shade of yellow that stands for “danger” or, if found in nature, indicates that the contents might be poisonous if eaten. There is a large hand on the cover, which I didn’t see anything wrong with until I was nearly done reading the book. The hand has six fingers, instead of the usual five. Some “possible side effect” has caused the owner of this hand to grow an extra middle finger. Of course, it’s that finger that was doubled. If you have read a lot of Burroughs’ work, you will find that quite fitting. It took me so long to discover the extra finger either because I’m dyslexic, (and somehow blurred the extra fingers into one finger), or possibly because my grandfather was born with six fingers on each hand. I never met my grandfather, but I wonder if some sort of “genetic memory” caused me to see the six fingered hand on the cover of Possible Side Effects as “normal”.

This book contains twenty six short memoirs. I found all of them fascinating in their own way. These stories do not follow chronological order, (as they seemed to in Magical Thinking), and instead, jump around in time. Some are stories from his childhood, some are from after he and his partner got together, a few are from somewhere in between, when he was still drinking. A few stories take place after he has become a recognized author. All stories are very different, and written with the honesty, sarcasm, and wit that only Burroughs can create.

I will mention just a few of the stories that I found so delightful and absurd that I had to share them with my husband. “The Sacred Cow” is about a puppy that Burroughs and his partner bought, to be a companion to their first dog. Bentley, the first dog, was a perfect puppy, who had recently taken an interest in a toy cow. One day, Burroughs sees this sweet, tiny, puppy in the window of a pet store, who happens to resemble a cow. He has spots, and drooping ears. Chaos ensues, but it does have a happy ending. Any story that includes a cute animal is going to get my attention.

“GWF Seeks Same” is a story about when Burroughs “helps” his friend, a lesbian woman who hates the word lesbian, place a personal ad. They end up with the biggest ad I have ever heard of, and that’s just where things start. This might be the funniest story in the book.

“The Forecast for Sommer” is a story from when Burroughs was a child. His mother starts dating a woman named Sommer, and the story is about both Burroughs’ prediction for how long that relationship will last, as well as for Sommer herself. This one is a heartbreaker. “Bloody Sunday” takes place in an airplane, where Burroughs has a nosebleed. Here we have some insight into what it’s like to be a “recognised” author, and having to deal with a messy, bodily situation in public. Very interesting, I thought.

If you are looking for more memoir work by Burroughs, you are in luck. Just this month, his new book, “A Wolf at The Table” has come out. From what I have seen, this one is about his father, and some secrets.

The term “Magical Thinking” is defined by Webster’s as: “Thinking involving assumptions that don’t hold up to rational scrutiny”. Read all about it here. You can find a better definition of “Magical Thinking” on one of the first pages of Burrough’s book. Burroughs uses the classic childhood example of “step on a crack and break your mother’s back”. No rational person really believes that stepping on a crack in the sidewalk will cause their mother to have back problems. But, little kids still avoid the cracks, and sometimes, this behavior continues on into adulthood. Magical thinking is hard to stop, especially when life gets rough, and you feel like you have no other form of control.

Magical Thinking is a collection of short story memoirs. All are little pieces of Burrough’s life, in somewhat chronological order. You won’t find any of these stories in either Running With Scissors or Dry. This is stuff readers haven’t come across before. There are twenty seven stories in all, giving the readers twenty seven little windows into Burrough’s life, and into his head.

My favorite little memoir in this book is called “Debby’s Requirements”. It’s about a horrible person named Debby, whom Burroughs had the misfortune of hiring as a housekeeper. Things escalate beyond what one would ever expect, and it has an absolutely perfect ending.

“Vanderbilt Genes” is about a visit to “The Breakers”, an estate owned by the Vanderbilt family. Burroughs goes there with his parents, and is convinced that he was kidnapped at birth, and really supposed to be part of the Vanderbilt family. I think all adults who came from horrible childhoods can relate to this one. I myself, for years, was convinced that I must have been adopted, or kidnapped, because I was nothing like either one of my parents.

“Ass Burger” is a story about Burrough’s brother, who, it turns out, has Asperger’s Syndrome. Of course, when they were children, no one knew what to call what his brother was. Asperger’s Syndrome is something that seems to be “in the news” a lot lately, as more and more people figure out that their odd, brilliant, loved one has this syndrome. My brother has it, and I found myself nodding my head at the similarities between my brother and Burrough’s brother. Fascinating story.

“Telemarketing Revenge” features Burrough’s acidic wit as he avenges himself against telemarketers, and their constant phone calls. I found it absolutely hysterical, and was amazed by his creative plan. “Key Worst” is dark and funny at the same time, as Burroughs describes the horrible people he is forced to share a glass bottom boat ride with in Key West, Florida. It’s one of those stories that makes you laugh, and then feel guilty for laughing. And, of course, there is a story called “Magical Thinking”, where Burroughs and his friend share some magical thinking experiences.

These are but a few of the little memoir stories contained in Magical Thinking. Some are darker or sadder than others. Some are funnier than others. All are a painfully honest peek into the head of Augusten Burroughs. If you have already read Running With Scissors and Dry, and want more, then this is your next read.

This memoir could be considered to be the sequel to his previous memoir, Running With Scissors. I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary that you read the first memoir before reading Dry, because Burroughs does a great job of filling in the blanks just enough to make the reader get what he’s referring to. I still highly recommend reading Running With Scissors first, anyway, to get the full story, the whole experience.

Dry takes place a few years after the end of Running With Scissors, and is primarily about Burrough’s stint in rehab, getting “dry”. He was working in advertising, and basically was given the choice of going to rehab because of his drinking, or losing his job. He “chose” rehab.

Part of this book is about his experience in rehab, the people he met there, his thoughts and feelings about it all. Some of what happened is profound, and some quite ridiculous. Burroughs has a talent for placing the reader inside his head, just behind his eyes, as he walks through these life events. It’s like you are there, watching it in real time. The rest of the book is about what happens after he gets out of rehab, and is back in the “real world” trying to stay clean and sober. It was interesting to watch how his view of things changed after rehab. For example, before rehab, he saw his apartment as dirty, but no big deal. After rehab, he looks at the same apartment, and sees a sea of empty glass bottles that once held alcohol, obvious now, but invisible before.

I found myself fascinated by this book. I wanted to meet some of the people Burroughs knew when he was living this story, especially “Pighead”, who comes across as a shining star, as larger than life itself. All the people Burroughs talks about are interesting. “Pighead” is special.

I loved Running With Scissors but, I believe I love Dry even more. I am one of the many who greatly enjoy drinking, although I am not an alcoholic. Believe me, if I had that tendency, it’s had plenty of time to surface. The parts of the book after Burroughs has left rehab, where he is thinking about how much he wants a drink, describing the drink in so much detail. The taste, the smell, how it looks in a glass, the atmosphere of the place he would be drinking at….I appreciate all this.

While both of his memoirs alternate between heartache and hilarity, I found myself more affected this book, Dry. There is just something about this one that cuts deep, in many places. Burroughs finds love, and loses love, and he tells us everything. Parts of this book nearly had me in tears, while other parts had me laughing out loud.

One more thing I love about this book is the cover design. A white page with black text that runs down the page. It looks as though someone either left this book out in the rain, or spilled a drink across the cover, evoking images of storms, as well as drinking problems. This is a messy cover to go along with a messy set of circumstances. The cover is crying.

I find myself enjoying the writing of Augusten Burroughs enough to seek out the rest of his work. Expect more reviews of his work to follow this one.

Your childhood, no matter how bad or crazy you think it was, will seem tame by comparison. This is one of those memoirs that makes all of us with “bad childhoods” feel a little more “normal”. Burroughs writes so honestly, so intimately, censoring nothing, that it makes the reader feel like you’ve been sitting inside his head while these events were being lived.

Burroughs has his family fall apart at an early age. His dad is clearly an alcoholic, and his mom starts going crazy. She starts seeing this really eccentric psychologist, (as a therapist, not as a lover), and suddenly, Augusten finds himself spending more and more time with the therapist’s crazy family. By the time he turns twelve, his parents are divorced, his dad won’t return his phone calls, and his mother has arranged things so that her therapist has now legally adopted Augusten.

The book describes the absolute squaller that Augusten lived in with this family. He details all the insanity that surrounds him, from the therapist’s bizarre theories and methods, to the actual crazy people who lived there too. Augusten is pretty much left to make his own decisions, from the age of twelve, to eighteen, (when the book ends). Some of his choices include quitting school, trying drugs, and starting a sexual relationship with a much older man who was once also a patient of this eccentric therapist. I interpret that relationship as “troubled” at best, and “statutory rape” at worst. There are plenty of other crazy experiences that I am leaving out of this review, so you can read them for yourself. One thing is clear, though. No one raised Augusten. He pretty much had to figure things out for himself, while living in this insane place.

Meanwhile, Augusten’s mother is going crazy. She gets worse and worse, and it’s not really clear for the longest time exactly what her problem is. The whole book is fascinating, and heartbreaking, and, in parts, hysterically funny. Burroughs is a fantastic writer. This is the second time I have read this book, and I enjoyed it just as much the second time around as I did the first. The shock factor holds up, even when you know what is coming.

I have not seen the movie that was made about this book, and so, cannot comment on how the two compare. I recommend that you read this book before moving on to his other memoirs, in order to get the most out of the whole story.