Planetfall by Arthur Byron Cover

I picked up Planetfall because I needed a break from the books I had been reading, all of which were non-fiction and serious in nature. When I spotted this book at a used bookstore, I thought it was just the kind of mindless fix I needed. And when it comes down to it, all you can really call this book is “”mindless.”

The first sign of this book’s apparent mediocrity comes from the fact that it was based on a computer game. But even knowing that, I thought it might still be OK. Also, right across the top of the book’s cover it’s proudly proclaimed, “In the bestselling tradition of Hitchhiker’s Guide To the Galaxy.” This link to the Douglas Adams classic is not only misleading, it’s practically blasphemous.

Planetfall presents itself as a fairly straight-forward sci-fi adventure novel. The book follows the escapades of spaceman Homer B. Hunter as he crash lands on an alien world. He is then exposed to everything from hedinostic sex and wild drug trips to imprisonment and torture. Along the way, he learns about the alien planet’s people and their culture, and how they live in giant robotic cities. Really, the story has the makings of something good. But the book falls short on almost every level.

For example, there is a subplot about a horny tree (yes, that kind of horny) that is trapped on a starship and needs to “mate.” There are references to a robot ghost. (Or is it “ghost robot?”) There is a brief appearance by a shapeshifting scientist who is studying the nature of interspecies sexual relations. These ideas all sound at least somewhat amusing when taken out of context. But when they’re used in the book, it’s as if they’re all really great punchlines without substantial beginnings. Everything else just feels like a mess of transitional sequences that leave you wondering if anything’s going to happen or if anything has really happened at all.

It’s interesting that this book actually begat a sequel. And if I ever find it at a flea market, I might even pick it up. Regardless, if you’re after some mindless science-fiction, you could do much better than Planetfall.

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